


Purple Death From Outer Space

by the_last_dillards



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-20 17:46:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18530041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_last_dillards/pseuds/the_last_dillards
Summary: Someone sheds some light on Julian’s situation.





	Purple Death From Outer Space

Doctor Bashir was late to the lab from lunch again, as seemed ever more common for what was usually a relatively punctual man.

“Glad to see you made it!” Jadzia called from the back of the room. She and Syvar, the ever stereotypical Vulcan in blue, were huddled over a computer display, analyzing the structure of the dusty contaminant they had brought back from their last trip to the Gamma quadrant.

“Any luck?”

“Yeah, the dust seems to be composed mainly of a congealed chlorophyll. Why it’s causing such extreme rashes I couldn’t tell you but at least we know now how to spot it.” 

“The UV beams are located in Storage Room B in the Infirmary correct, Doctor?” Syvar asked.

Julian nodded. “They’ll be towards the back.”

The Vulcan nodded back succinctly and went in search of the black lights.

“So, what’s been taking you so long with lunch lately?” Jadzia began as soon as he was out of earshot.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” _Play it cool, Julian,_ he told himself.

“Well, it's just that you’re usually very good at keeping track of time.”

_Say something gross. Nobody will want to hear more if you say something gross._ “Well, I’ll have you know that I’ve been monitoring my diet better and as a result have been making more frequent visits to the refresher.”

“What? Can’t pinch it off?” Dax grinned, amused and obviously unfazed. Sometimes he forgot that after having been a parent in several lifetimes, she probably had really seen everything. “Besides, knowing you, you probably time your trips based on when you’ll be seeing your good friend the tailor next.”

“Gods, Jadzia! Do you really have to say things like that!” Sometimes Julian wondered how he ever thought her some feminine ideal of poise and grace.

“You know, Julian, I hear that Cardassians-” Jadzia cut off abruptly as Syvar returned. They had both forgotten that they weren’t in the main lab and were instead in a small makeshift one right off the infirmary. Their usual room was out of commission due to voles nesting under one of the consoles. (Like nesting Earth geese, one does not mess with nesting Cardassian voles.) 

“Computer, lights 25%,” Jadzia commanded.

The room dimmed and the Vulcan lieutenant flicked the switch on the beam’s handle, settling the purple light over their dust sample which begin glowing a fine red. Slowly he began shifting the beam back and forth over the consoles and floor, revealing a light speckling of dust smeared over nearly all surfaces. When he got to Jadzia, he raised the beam up over her. Powder on her clothes and hands shone in crimson. Bizarre fluorescent red freckles appeared to sit on the Trill’s face and accented over her usual dark spots.

“Great,” Dax sighed. “Now we need to figure out how the particles are getting out of the containment field and spreading everywhere.”

Julian hoped with this discovery that the Vulcan would leave his investigation of the room there but alas, the Prophets were not in his favor today. Syvar began sweeping the beam over Julian from feet up, revealing a similar red dusting. 

The doctor stepped forwards suddenly to stand over the scan analysis. Yep, he was just ready to do his job and that was all. “Okay! Now that we know that we’re all probably carrying-”

A sudden violet glare blinded his peripheral vision. Jadzia let out a surprised giggle and clapped a hand over her mouth. Syvar just smirked with his eyes, the way Vulcans do.

Grin never fading, the Trill exclaimed, “Oh my gods, Julian! If you’re going to be late anyways, you could at least stop to wash your face!”

In the reflection of a dark monitor, he could see the UV illuminating a blue-white glow splattered around his mouth and nose, trailing down his chin onto his neck and overlapping red speckling. Julian blushed hard and tried to think of some way to defend himself.

Lieutenant Syvar, the ever prodigious asshole, evidently felt a need to comment. “Based on common ultraviolet-sensitive fluids found on human dermal tissue, the unknown substance on Doctor Bashir is most likely urine or semen. Or of course, some combination.”

Jadzia laughed. “Well, Julian, for your sake I hope it's just semen!”

“Jadzia!” 

Syvar intoned evenly, “I believe our main concern should be that Mr Garak does not develop a severe genital rash.”

**Author's Note:**

> Syvar is the Vulcan that O’Brien plays darts against in 3.24 Shakaar. Looking at his pips, he seems to be a commander but lieutenant made more sense in this story. He just gave off the right asshole Vulcan vibe.
> 
> An alternate free for use idea I had for for this fic involves the crew visiting/making the station livable for a species that uses UV light to see and then people’s habits and poor hygiene coming to light.
> 
> Inspired by this post: <http://super-wolves.tumblr.com/post/69737822797>


End file.
